My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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