Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
