8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
