Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
