Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
