So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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