At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
