i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
