Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
