I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
