FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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