We named our party play list daddy issues
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
