I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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