I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
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