i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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