I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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