I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
