i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
