Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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