Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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