I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
