You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
