Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize