headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Randomize
