Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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