If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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