I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
