Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
