she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
