Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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