Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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