On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
