Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
