I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
