I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
