I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
