You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
