We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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