i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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