Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
