you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize