If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
