before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
