So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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