If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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