So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Say something about gay babies.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Randomize
