I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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