Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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