i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
