nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
