I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
