At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
