Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
