is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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