O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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