I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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