So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Randomize