I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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