porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
