Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think I am morally bankrupt
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
