My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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