Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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