Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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