I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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