; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize