yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
