Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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