Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize